SoRiku - What Went Wrong

“Hey Riku!” said silverette turned around and smiled as the spiky haired brunet ran towards him, smiling and waving.

“Morning Sora,” Riku greeted and Sora gave him another grin, his azure eyes sparkling in the sunlight as the brunet took Riku‘s fingers and intertwined them as the boys walked down the street. This was a normal gesture, Riku, Sora and Kairi did this all the time when they were together, ever since they were little. They would each link hands with each other, depending on who stood in the middle, but if it was ever just two on their own it would still be the same. It was a habit none of them were willing to give up, but to Riku, this meant so much more now than it did to Sora.

“So, I was talking to Kairi yesterday, and” Riku zoned the rest of Sora’s talking out as he stared down at the brunet. Once Kairi’s name was mentioned, he wasn’t interested. Sure she was one of Riku’s friends, but he envied her. She had Sora’s affections. He didn’t.

The problem for Riku was simple in theory. He was undeniably, and unrequitedly, in love with his best friend Sora. He was used to hearing the usual ‘tell him how you feel and it’ll all work out’ but that didn’t work for Riku. As he said, it was unrequited because Sora liked Kairi, and Riku wasn’t about to go and throw his heart at Sora when the boy didn’t even want it.

See, the theory was simple. Physically, mentally and emotionally, it was an impossible problem. Riku’s feeling never seemed to go away no matter how much he wished they would, and after almost eight years, that whole ‘just tell him’ plan, seemed pretty inviting. “So what do you think?” The silverette snapped back to reality and focused on the brunet.

“Sorry, what was that Sora?” Riku asked and Sora pouted.

“Honestly Riku, you’ve been really spacey lately,” the brunet giggled sweetly and Riku’s heart fluttered in his chest. “I said, Kairi’s having a new years eve party tomorrow, obviously we’re invited, I was asking if you’re going.”

The silverette thought about it, he already knew everyone would wonder what was wrong if he didn’t go, and the attention he’d get for not going wasn’t at all worth it. “Yeah, I’ll be there,” Riku smiled and Sora beamed back up at him. Making the idea of going for Riku a little more appealing.

*********

”Riiiikuuuu” said boy internally sighed as he answered his phone, he didn’t really want to talk right now.

“Hello Kairi,” he greeted the girl on the phone and heard her giggle.

“Hey, could you come to my place and help me out please, I’m putting up the decorations for tonight and I could use the extra help.” Even though he wanted to say no, he knew he couldn’t. Besides, the offer of wasting some time before the party itself was pretty tempting, he was extremely bored.

“Sure, I’ll come straight over.” Kairi sighed with relief.

“Thanks Riku, you’re the best.” She said, before saying goodbye and hanging up.

The silverette sighed, picking up his car keys and leaving for the girl’s house. “You’re a life saver, you know that right?” Kairi said and hugged Riku when he arrived, taking his hand as she lead him into the house and towards the decorations.

“It’s better than sitting in the house all day,” Riku said, and the redhead girl giggled.

“Well this will definitely keep you on your toes.” Kairi said as she removed some boxes and put them in front of Riku. “Could you hang these around the room for me please? I have to finish putting out the food so I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.”

The silverette nodded as Kairi disappeared, tying his hair into a loose ponytail and beginning to sift through the boxes he had been handed, putting up what he was asked appropriately, and he was pretty pleased with his work once he’d finished. “You know Riku, if it weren’t for your mannerisms, I’d be sure you were gay,” Kairi said as she inspected the well decorated room and Riku rolled his eyes at her.

“I brought my change of clothes with me since I knew you’d keep me here all day, do you mind if I use your shower?” Riku asked, as if Kairi had said nothing.

The redhead shrugged, “sure, you know where it is,” Kairi said, still looking out at the room as Riku walked away and up the stairs.

*******

“Good to see you Riku,” Yuna smiled as she walked around the room. The party was in full swing, and everyone was having a good time, though Riku’s idea of a good time was sitting out of the way with a book, which was his current status.

He smiled up at the brunette “hello Yuna, how are things?” he asked politely.

“Good,” she answered with a sweet smile “I’ve lost Tidus, have you seen him anywhere?”

Riku shook his head no. “I haven’t, but if I do I’ll be sure to tell him you’re looking for him.” Riku said and smiled as Yuna walked away before going back to his book.

“Riiikuuu, you’re no fun,” Sora sang, dropping himself onto the sofa beside his best friend.

“Our ideas of fun are on completely different levels Sora,” Riku said, turning the page.

“I think you should be more open minded about it,” the brunet pouted. “Come and have some Sora fun!” Sora cheered as he bounced happily on the couch, and Riku tried to retain his deadpanned expression. “Is something wrong?” the brunet asked, pulling his face between the book and Riku so he was staring up into sea green eyes.

‘Too close’ the voice in Riku’s head said as he felt the urge to kiss Sora rise. “No.” Riku said and gently moved Sora away before standing up. “I’m going to the bathroom,” the silverette said without looking down at his friend and walked away.

Riku  was furious with himself. The silverette was happy to find that the bathroom was empty, so he promptly locked himself in the room and began pacing, willing his mind to help him work this out!

‘Just tell him already!’ his mind shouted at him, and Riku placed his hands over his ears.

‘I can’t tell him! He won’t accept it.’ He told himself, willing this new help away.

‘You don’t know unless you try! You’re smart, you can handle it if it goes wrong and Sora will accept you no matter what.’ the silverette stopped his pacing, pulling his hands away from his head to stare at the cream coloured wall in front of him.

This was the perfect time, and Riku had always known Sora would accept him no matter what. He’d had this debate so many times he finally gave in. Tonight was the night. Tonight he would tell Sora.

******

“Hey Riku!” the silverette didn’t stop as he walked into Kairi’s large back garden, it was almost midnight, and if anything, he wanted to avoid the big new year countdown. “Riku!” there was another call from the same voice and hurried footsteps that tried to catch up with him. “Hey!” Sora shouted, and halted Riku in his tracks, grabbing the taller boy by the wrist so he stopped. “Why didn’t you answer me? What’s wrong?” the brunet asked. He received no answer, and as out of character it was, Sora was beginning to get pissed off.

“I have something to tell you.” Riku said, but his voice was muffled by the start of the countdown.

‘10...9...8’

“What?” Sora asked over the noise.

“I have something to tell you,” Riku said, feeling his confidence waver. He didn’t know if he could do this.

‘5...4...3’

“Riku?”

2...1...HAPPY NEW YEAR!’

Everyone inside cheered as the sound of fireworks went off, there were joyful exchanges as everyone laughed and celebrated the start of a new year.

Outside was different. As the group shouted the celebration Riku pushed the two boy’s lips together, spilling his words into Sora through their closed mouths as the brunet stood in shock, his eyes wide and finally realising what was happening when the fireworks went off. Sora pulled away, staring at Riku as he placed a hand over his mouth and stepped back before finally turning and sprinting into the house, leaving Riku alone. Broken.

It had gone wrong.

------------------------------------------------

Sora ran. He didn’t stop when he entered the house, he heard Kairi call his name but he didn’t turn to her. He ran away, out of the house and into the street, he didn’t live far, he just had to get home. He needed to think.

Everything was a mess. Riku wasn’t supposed to kiss him, he wasn’t supposed to find out that his best friend was in love with him.

He wasn’t supposed to like it!

‘What do I do?’ the brunet asked himself as he paced his bedroom. Sora liked Kairi, he knew that, Riku knew that, most people knew that. The brunet was even hoping to ask the girl so start dating him once the new year came around, now his mind was thrown into complete turmoil and he didn’t understand anything anymore.

Sora and Riku had always been best friends, the held hands, they hugged, they shared secrets. But apparently Riku had a secret he was keeping from the brunet. One that would change everything in a second. One that did just that.

‘I don’t understand!’ Sora stopped his pacing and lay down on his bed burying his face in his pillow. Why was he so bothered about this? He should have just accepted Riku’s feelings, felt nothing himself, and told his best friend he loved him, but as a friend, that was it. Instead he had fled, not from Riku, but from his own feelings. The kiss was burning itself into his mind along with all of the emotion he had felt with it. Sora’s heart had exploded with butterflies, his lips had felt warm, his head clouded over with questions. Yet everything had morphed into one simple question, and it was driving him insane. ‘Why did I like it?!’

He wasn’t gay! He had never enjoyed looking at men like that, it wasn’t something he could picture. But this wasn’t just any guy. This was Riku.

So why did it fit?

Sora shook his head. Even if he liked it, he wouldn’t admit it, he wouldn’t fall in love with Riku. He liked Kairi and that’s how it was supposed to be.

“Sora?” A knock came from his door and he turned as Leon looked into his little brother’s room. “Is everything alright?” he asked.

No. It was not alright.

It was wrong. Everything was wrong.

The younger boy nodded his head, smiling for Leon “I’m fine, the party wasn’t that great so I came home early.” Sora shrugged.

Leon knew Sora was lying, his eyes were swimming with sadness, but the older boy knew his brother wouldn’t tell him, he was good at acting, and that’s how Sora dealt with things.

“I’m here if you need me,” Leon finally said, and the younger brunet nodded before his brother closed the door.

The brunet jumped as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, the small picture display made his heart stop as he looked at a picture of himself and Riku smiling into the camera. Sora flipped open the phone to read the text message from his best friend holding two words.

‘I’m sorry’

It said and Sora couldn’t stop the tears he didn’t know were there from spilling down his cheeks as he turned off his phone and climbed into bed.

----------------------------------------------

Riku didn’t really know what to do. He understood one fact extremely clearly, it was screaming at him. He’d fucked up. Big time.

“Riku!” the silverette didn’t turn his frozen body, he was just lucky he was already facing the house as Kairi appeared from it. “What’s wrong with Sora?” she asked, concerned.

Riku shook his head no, he couldn’t tell her, it would break her heart. “I don’t know,” the silverette claimed, and Kairi gave him a curious look.

“Wasn’t he out here with you?” she asked.

“I was walking back up the garden when he ran away,” the words sent a stabbing pain to Riku’s chest and he winced slightly. “Listen Kairi, I’m heading home ok, my dad needs me to help at the café tomorrow so I have to be up early,” Riku said, walking past the girl and into the house again. At least that had been true.

“You’re back Early,” Sephiroth stated as his son entered the house, a depressed look on his face. “Riku?” he said, unheard concern in his voice that only his son would hear.

“I did a bad thing,” the boy said as he sat in a vacant chair in the living room, his eyes trained on the carpet.

“I’m guessing that means you kissed Sora.” Riku didn’t look up, his father always had this uncanny ability to know exactly what had happened without pushing the subject for details. Sephiroth sighed, putting down his book and walking over to crouch in front of Riku. “The only ‘bad thing’ that happened was Sora didn’t return your affection. You had to find out at some point what would happen if you tried that, it just seems like it didn’t go the way you wanted it to. This isn’t a fairytale Riku, it’s life and it’s something we all have to deal with at some point in our lives, it is the inevitable, and I’m sorry it happened to you.”

Riku looked up into Sephiroth’s green eyes, his vision foggy with tears which he refused to let fall. “Thanks dad,” the younger silverette said and his father nodded, standing up.

“Now go to bed, you’re helping tomorrow, don’t forget.” Sephiroth said, sitting back down on the couch and picking up his book again. “Oh and Riku,” the man said as Riku walked towards the stairs. “Perhaps, if nothing changes between the both of you after this, you can fight to win his heart for yourself.”

The younger male stared at his father before he was shooed away and he walked to his bedroom. He pulled out his phone, sighing and writing a text, sending it to the brunet and staring at the screen long after it had been sent. The picture of the two smiling boys on his background lighting up the silverette’s face in the unlit corridor.

‘I’m sorry’ he thought to himself, as he reached him bedroom, and the first tears dripped down his face.

********

Riku’s movements were robotic, he tried to put on a mask for the rush of customers but it proved to be more difficult than he could ever imagine. Eventually he gave up, his face blank and his voice monotone as he went back and forward from table to coffee machine and back again.

“You ok kid?” Xigbar asked the silverette once the swell had finally subsided and it was now just a steady flow of people. “You’re not looking too good. Want to tell uncle Xigbar?”

Riku didn’t scoff and roll his eyes like he usually would at the ‘uncle’ comment, it took too much effort when he just wanted to curl into a ball and sleep his life away. Xigbar lay a hand on Riku’s shoulder, the boy glancing at it then up at the man’s face as he smiled warmly, “I’m here if you need me,” Xigbar said, before wandering over to the new customers.

“Hey Riku,” said boy’s head finally snapped to the side as Kairi’s voice greeted him, and the silverette’s heart sunk to his stomach. Sora wasn’t smiling. He wasn’t looking at him. “So you’re really working today, are you busy?” Kairi asked, oblivious to the obviously awkward atmosphere.

Riku nodded silently, unable to say anything. He felt sick. “Are you ok?” Kairi asked, concern lacing her voice, and Riku finally focused on her.

“I’m fine,” he said, giving her a quick, almost invisible smile.

“So, Tidus told me to tell you he’s having a party this weekend for Yuna’s birthday, you’re invited if you like,” Kairi said, finding the awkwardness of the trio worrying and trying to change the subject.

“I dunno,” the silverette said, everyone knew parties weren’t really Riku’s scene, but he was invited, and often gave in with much persistence.

“You should come,” the redhead said, “Sora and I are going.”

Riku saw the brunet stiffen, waiting for the answer that he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear. “I’ll think about it,” Riku said and was happy when Xigbar appeared between the three of them.

“Get to work Riku I’m taking your load you slacker,” the older male laughed then turned to the pair standing at the counter. “Hey kids, buy some coffee or wander on, I have a business to run,” Xigbar grinned.

Kairi rolled her eyes, sticking her tongue out at the older man who chuckled “ok, we’ll see you later Riku.” And with that the pair left hand in hand, a sight that made Riku’s heart swell with jealousy and hurt. He wondered if he’d ever be able to hold hands with Sora again.

“You don’t have to tell me.” Riku looked up at Xigbar as the other watched Sora and Kairi leave, “but whatever it is, it’s hurting you, and if you ever need me I’m here. You got that?” Xigbar asked and Riku nodded.

********

He appreciated the help he had been offered, though he never took it. Weeks went by and Riku realised that nothing would be the same, he couldn‘t be around Sora, the brunet would find any excuse not to be with him. And it hurt. The silverette confined himself to his house, not leaving for any event he was invited to as he isolated himself from the others.

Eventually he grew apart from the others, and when Riku finally heard at the start of him sophomore year that Sora and Kairi had finally got together, his heart finally shattered.

And he never let it mend.